- Are you making fun of me?
- Yes. Dear God, yes.
- But why? I’m a good person.
- You voted for and are defending facism. You think anyone you don’t like deserves to be deported to an El Salvadorian hellhole or eaten by alligators. You’re OK with the more than 350,000 children who have already starved to death because of Trump’s inhuman policies. You won’t forgive a desperate family for crossing the border illegally (a misdemeanor, like jaywalking), but you’re seriously thinking of giving Trump a pass when it inevitably comes out that he raped little girls, because “Jesus tells us to forgive”–and because you’d rather rationalize someone fucking children than have the humility and decency to admit you screwed yourself and everyone else because of your own racism, greed, and arrogance. You’re not nice.
- But I didn’t vote for any of those things!
- That’s adorable.
- I heard only gay Satanists use the Oxford comma.
- That’s true.
- What’s an Oxford comma?
- It’s something gay Satanists use when we make lists.
- You’re a gay Satanist?
- Bisexual, actually.
- So you’re married to a man or something?
- A woman, for close to 40 years. And two kids.
- How does that work?
- Well you see, when two people love each other very much…
- You’re a terrible person, and you’re going to hell!
- That’s the affirmation I say to the mirror every night before bed. If there is a God, I’d rather explain to her/them why I didn’t support Trump than why I did.
- You’re so WOKE!
- I don’t think that word means what you think it means.
- When Jesus said all that stuff about feeding the poor and welcoming strangers, he didn’t mean what he very plainly said! Or his words were taken out of context, even though I don’t actually know what that means! Or he really did want us to do all that Woke shit, and we really don’t care! He was some kind of commie socialist or something, anyway. And he was brown. I worship the real Jesus–white MAGA Jesus, the greatest American who ever lived. And there were very fine people on both sides.
- If Jesus came back and walked up to you on the street, you’d spit on him and try to have him deported. I mean that literally.
- I don’t understand why Donald Trump won’t release the Epstein files, because Democrats eat babies!
- I don’t understand why you decided 26 women assaulted by him were all lying (including his first wife, who said in a sworn deposition that he raped her). I don’t understand how it’s OK with you that he was caught on a hot mic boasting about doing exactly what he was found liable for doing to E. Jean Carroll, and that he still lies about it. I don’t understand why you see pictures of Trump and Epstein with 13-year-old girls on their laps, and think the problem is Pizzagate.
- Why don’t you go back to wherever you came from?
- I’m Cherokee, so good luck with that.
- But you don’t look Cherokee.
- Well, you don’t look like a racist asshole, but here we are.